This and That

This next blog post doesn't really have a direction. Actually I think one is coming to me. Let's see what comes about. I had a great weekend at home. Played PS3 with my bros, ate good food, and went to see Robin Hood, which is my new favorite movie, IT WAS INCREDIBLE. It was like Gladiator set in the Middle Ages. I highly recommend it. But I am one who would love anything medieval.

Well fuck, I am too weak to open this little package of cereal and I just busted the plastic knife they gave me. Oh and it just went everywhere. Great. You know whats fucked up? I am 6'3 and I weigh 120 lbs. Fully muscled and fattened I am easily 200 lbs. I am a god damn bag of bones. Whatever, lying in bed all day is too fun.

Anyway, I didn't come back to the hospital on saturday night, because I really didn't need to. All they needed to give me was a magnesium bolis and I knew, from the BMT, that I can just take two 250mg magnesium pills, so I did. I get a call on sunday from a distressed nurse, saying that I pissed off the doctor and that I have to come in right away. I told her why I stayed at home and then I tried to reason with her. There really was no good reason for me to go in and she knew it. I said "why should I come in? So you can breathe on me?" I bet they just wanted me to play more funky tunes. Oh yea my neighbour went home yesterday so I have been using my ipod dock to its fullest. Nurses boogy down in their station, its good times.

Which brings me to the purpose of this post. Uh, relationships. Most young adult patients I meet have never been in a relationship. The ones that are in relationships I usually see no flame, no spark, nothing. They are sexually shut down. I was the same, well, I wasnt shut down, infact I was quite the horny bastard, but I wouldn't dare approach a girl and entertain the idea that she would actually want to date / fuck me. I turned to porn to keep my lust in check, I know - yuck.

That has all changed now though. It seems in my growth I have found myself to indeed be worthy of a relationship and the intimacy issues around sex have blown away. I actually just asked my friend out for a wedding I have in august and she said "Are you kidding me? Of course!!!" She is so beautiful, a true gem, and she teaches tai chi and yoga, I am gonna be the proudest man. Funny thing is she has a boyfriend who is a fucking sensei and owns his own dojo. I best tread softly because that man could probably punch my head off. Haha no, hes a good guy...I hope.

But uhhhh yea if you shut down your sexuality you lose the most vital life force energy, your passion centre, your source for anger, pleasure, animal lust, your horndoginess. Cancer couldn't be happier with all that powerful energy trapped away. So, how to remedy this: Hmmm, dance. Shake your booty, touch yourself, sex yourself, get in touch with that flame. Women might wanna take a hot bath and pleasure yourself with whatever toys you have. Feel that pleasure, let it overwhelm you. Men too, and for fucks sake pick up a book on tantric sex or anything on how to control your orgasm. The male orgasm was designed to end relationships.

Once you have reconnected with your sexuality not only will cancer lose it's power, you will start to attract mates. The universe will throw relationships at you left and right, and it is up to you to take action. Don't be afraid, they're just humans, and know that you deserve this, you deserve to get plowed. It's really all about self love. Love yourself and it will show.

I tried watching porn recently and it really did nothing for me. Part of me was like "fuck, chemo killed my libido" but then I fantasized about someone that wont be mentioned and bingo. So I was relieved to say the least. Oh and I guess I should say that if you are addicted to porn, as many sexless people are, and it's perfectly normal, but uh...stop if you can. You are wasting your sexual energy. If you stop you can let that energy build up, let the testostorone build up, and you will eventually become a sexual Tyrannosaur. Just don't rape anything, that's no laughing matter, unless you're raping a clown (tshirthell.com).

Guess i'll shutup now. Have a good day.