To me this fever is beyond them. It was really funny actually the entire Infectious Disease team came to visit me. Obviously baffled they ask is there ANYTHING you can tell us, any pain?? any differences of sensation? Anything?! I had to be honest, I feel fine, and in my heart I know I will be fine. This fever is not my enemy, infact it is probably helping to educate my body on feverism, because when you do have an immune system the healthiest way to react to cold or flue is to light up like a fire and burn the bad stuff away.
Something greater is at work. But a doctor could never understand that. They are stuck in the scientific world, they invested many years of their life and money into it, so they will continue to scan, sample, grow culture, and blindly hurl their bombs of biotic destruction. They're probably destroying a lot of good bacteria along the way, but i'll allow this blundering for now. Let me tell you though. If any of these antibiotics or antifungals or antivirals brings any sort of negative effect to me I will demand it removed. Ultimately I am in charge of what goes into MY body. They cannot refuse me and if they can through some bullshit I may have accidently signed I will pop and drain any bag they put up of the stuff.
It is important to note I am not telling you to go against your doctor. Most of the time they do an excellent job and they should be trusted. If your doctor isn't the trustable type, or bothers you in some way you have the right to request another. The bond between patient and doctor is so important. I love my doctor, he is incredibly brilliant but he also takes the time to text.
It's funny throughout this whole thing there has been one very vivid image in my head that accurately represents this situation. It is a scene from Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings where they encounter the legendary monster the Balrog. Gandalf explains to the fellowship that "SWORDS ARE NO MORE USE HERE!"
Indeed, dear doctors, this creature of heat is beyond your petty little medicines! Fly you fools!
Now that I think of it the Balrog could be seen as Gandalf's crises, his trial, his leukemia. And how he tackles that challenge! Best part is he comes out with shiny new robes and the greatest power to be attained in his order. He is my hero!
Good morning Nic,
ReplyDeleteI am a friend of your dad's and he just sent me the link yesterday. I have read many of your posts and can not help but note how well you are living in this world that has enveloped you.
Your journey has brought back a moment I shared with a young business acquaintance who had beaten cancer and just gotten a new and better job.
He was alive and on the move as he clearly had been all through his cancer run. He described his cancer pain as exquisite and when I said my MS journey was an adventure he said that was his term and that i got it from him. I said it was my term then he said it was his. We squabbled for a moment and then we laughed.
Everyone's life can be made into an adventure.
The one you are describing is a stand out.
He rode his cancer out of the hospital and has kept on riding. He is a successful writer today and he had an intensity and a light in his eye that I could only put down to a life experience that only a select few get to go through.
Your writing is amazing as is your life which is being so well lived.
You brought that exchange with my young friend back. Actually, it was a guy in his thirties so perhaps "young" is a relative term.
Like him, I'm sure your adventure will never end.
Thanks Brian! My dad has told me about you and I look forward to meeting you in person!
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