BEING ME

Last tuesday they started me on an antibiotic called Vanco for short. Comes along with a nice fuckin little pump I have to be attached to until the next hospital visit. Anyway, as the week goes along I feel an unusual hotness around my face and I just shrug it off as usual and get shit down like normal (well a little more relaxed cuz of the healing).

One of those things included going to a very cool studio and recording my vocals for this lullaby-esque song about the profound bond formed between mother and newborn and the impossible promise how no harm will ever come to the baby ever. I was a little nervous at first and in practice couldnt land the first note, which has never been a problem for me, but I overcame it and come showtime I was epic. I told myself, "this was your idea, just do it Nic" and I stepped into the recording area.

They loved my voice! The producer who owns the studio even gave me more work to do for the song, he wants me to write my own verse, in a kind of free style . I jotted down some stuff already, gonna kinda wing it...keep it raw...it's really really fun stuff. Cyn is working on her albums right now so that is how I had this connection. We sound quite good together together if I say so, and the producer, Matt (other baldy), was really cool and helped you get as comfortable as possible.

So later that day, Sharon who I was hanging with...or who was babysitting me...whatever, was really starting to get worried about how hot I was getting. I am used to seeing Sharon be a little overprotective and I told her she was just fussing over nothing. Nevertheless I took my temp and it was really high. 39.9 to be exact and I felt fine of course but that was a little troubling to me. Then it hit me, I had just finished a dose of Vanco. The powerful antibiotic they were giving me was spiking my temp ,then as it left my sysem my temp would calm down again. I was faced with an option again; keep taking the hits and spiking or take action as I have in the past and "bleed the bitch". Whatever, I stuck with it and tolerated the next two doses.

So, I get the hospital and well you know what im really getting way too bored explaining all this so ill make this really short:

I WAS TIRED
CANCER WAS HIGH
GOT CHEMO
CHEMO + ANTIBIOTICS = BYE PLATELETS INSTANTLY AND HELLO BLEEEEEDING GUMS AND NOSE.
CHEMO + ANTIBIOTICS = MASSIVE WEAKNESS
ENTER MASSIVE AND ANNOYING DRY COUGH

So ya this cough is like nothing before and it keeps me up, cough cough cough cough cough cough gag breath cough cough cough cough gag *waiting for that point where it calms down* brings me to points of vomiting (not that anything comes up) and the worst part is, its dry, not getting anything out of it. UGH! There was no stopping in sight. what it WAS bringing up is a very irritated nasal capillieries I work up the courage and call my dad at 4am and ask for some really powerful cough syrup. As soon as I do that the cough instantly stops.

All I had to, all it wanted me to, was to speak up for myself. I had cough candies but they are just little fixes dont do anything really. My dad of course is totally ready to help and he flies to the nearest 24 hr store and then spends much of the rest of the night with me. I just had that old combo pop up 1) you deserve to suffer, 2) don't bother your dad he won't love you as much, 3)me so lazy, 4) just be a man. So I got over all that shit and spoke my truth, what I needed. Cough vanishes. He goes to the 24 hr shoppers and finds one for me.This shit is supposed to last 12 hrs and it lasts 1 at most. Whatever, what is more important is the realization that this cough is hugely energetic so I used it as such. And it began to really calm down from that night on, there are of course still episodes of cough where i'm uncontrollably caught in a cycle of omg plz make it stop but its much much better.

Oh god too much writing, lot more to come.