BEING ME pt2.

Pneumonia? Oh yea, turns out I have it now. I was in the room with my dad and our good friend Ann when we got the news. My dad started crying and held me and Ann took off to call people to announce the "horrible horrible news". Nobody else even noticed the cancer count had been cut in half! I consoled my dad but of course I couldn't cry really I just kinda smiled. Guess what people I had pneumonia when I first got admitted and it cleared up. Ah well people need their crises and tragedy, why else do we watch the news? Always nice to see the support that rolls in too. So I think we established I had a bad cough (no shit).

But this cough is energy, your left nipple is energy, pneumonia is an energy. On one coughing fit I angrily bellowed "THIS IS NOT MY GRIEF TO CARRY" and then it stopped. Apparently we all carry a lot of baggage from our family histories and in my family there is a lot of unfelt, untouched grief being passed down the generations. From time when it wasn't "OK" to cry, or not proper. So stating those words that needed to be said helps to break those ties and well, it gave me some peaceful breathing.

Violent coughing and no platelets is your nose going "what the hell asshole i am trying to patch things up in here and you keep rocking the boat! violently!" And when it does patch things up sort of...you end up with massive globules of blood in your mouth, its all just horrible. So that was the worst night of my life. Tore up the back of my throat real good, woke up with a mouthful of blood on more than one occasion, but still there were some good lessons learned.

So I am slowly coming out of all that nonsense, strength is returning, snagging a few extra bags of blood tomorrow, should be feeling great for the weekend. Life is truly a pendulum, swinging from one extreme to the other. I am proud to say I remained a constant as my world shifted around me, as my body collapsed around me, and now as I climb back into the light I will remain the constant.