So! I have been readmitted to Princess Margaret hospital in Toronto. I believe it is one of the best cancer treatment centres in the world and I feel very fortunate to be here. They were not able to get me into the same ward I was in last time, which is a shame because I had made friends there with the staff, but I look forward to new opportunities to make nice with new people.
I had my Hickman line put in yesterday. It is a simple surgury that involves sticking a tube in my chest that runs to my Vena Cava (the big vein that leads to your heart) so they can easily administer all the wonderful antibiotics and chemotherapies required. Yuck. I was hit pretty hard after the surgury and broke down in tears not because of the physical ache in my chest but because it felt like such a step backwards.
You see, ever since I finished with my last chemo round back at the start of the year I have been rebuilding my body. I was in the best shape of my life and they even took out my hickman line early. Then the Cancer returned and now, although I feel fine, they had to put the tube back in. I dislike the feeling of it very much - it is not painful just very unnatural.
What interests me a lot right now though is that I am somewhat of an anomaly now. Often, leukemia will relapse in patients but it will be the same leukemia as before. In my case it switched from Myeloid to Lymphoblastic leukemia (a less severe but still nasty childhood version). Thats enough of that for now though.
What I was really trying to get at for this post was even though everybody goes through stages of intense sadness and depression, as I have been for the past few days, there are always opportunities to find joy in a situation. From engaging in conversation with my very talkative roommate to discovering an AWESOME rooftop terrace in the hopsital where I can hang out and still feel the weather. You really are overcome with a peace and great gratitude for those moments, as long as you are open to recieving them and are able to recognize when they appear.
More to come...
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