Yesterday around 10pm my neighbour in the room just next to mine passed away. I guess it is to be expected in a cancer hospital that eventually patients will succumb to the disease or more likely first to the "treatment". There were a lot of people here; friends, relatives, direct family...all kind of quietly waiting for this man, who had turned for the worse, to finally take his leave of this world.
I don't really know why but I found it interesting that only once the news actually got out that he had stopped breathing did people finally react. Now people screamed, now people moaned, now people could freely grieve. It was all quite surreal and bizarre. It did bring back feelings of my own mom's passing but they were brief. I guess people try to be polite and hope for the best until the very end. I donno though, it all seemed really awkward as everyone just kind of lingered...waited...
A kindly nurse came in to make sure I was doing ok with all the grieving going on around me. I openly access my grief when it calls to me so I am quite ok with the powerful emotion. It is still quite shocking on your soul, you kind of want to just safely calm and pet your soul and make sure its not about to leave on you too! I had a much more intense experience like this when someone 2 doors down was having a cardiac arrest...nurses were yelling, people running, slight panic in the air trying to be restrained by professionalism. Over the loud speaker "CODE BLUE FLOOR 14 SECTION A ROOM 114. I could feel my soul jumping around in my body...had to calm it for sure...shit was tense!
Anyway, the night eventually quieted down, so I went to sleep and sent that man's soul good vibes on his future journeys.
The next day was one of comedy, really. All the guests had cleared up from the previous night and I got my chairs back in my room (had to loan them out to campers, you know). I am at 10 days post treatment and I have barely had a bowel movement the entire time. It was starting to really nag at me so I told the nurse to stop pussyfooting around with stool-softners and give me the big guns...But before they could they had to work their way up through a few more shitty laxatives. They say shit like drink lots of water and walk a lot....I decided to have a dance party in my room to get my intestines in the mood to MOVE...that was a lot of fun, i probably looked like a complete idiot bouncing around my room trying to get my gut to loosen up but I had a lot of fun.
I had a bunch of visitors over too and I was really looking forward to having some awesome movie-esque shitfest with a bunch of relatives over or something...a good story for later in life BUT NO...I STILL HAVNT HAD A BM. They hitting me with the big guns now....hopefully this shit does something cuz seriously...i feel like an african baby with a huge stomach and its really ruining my mood.
Nuff for now
-Nic
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